I have kept a private journal since I was in the seventh grade, and I do my best to record everything that has a significant impact on my life. From time to time I look back into the journal I kept during my father’s passing. I never seem to find an entry which elaborates on my thoughts during one of the most significant times of my life.

Anyhow, a few weeks ago I had to do some re-organizing in my home because we were getting new furniture. After emptying out the entertainment center I found a bag with a whole bunch of note books (I am a note book junkie). One of those books included a book I kept during my pregnancy – it consisted of my doctor appointments, baby shower details, important numbers and just about everything a pregnant woman needs to stay on track. Now, at the back of that book I found journal entries. Amongst those were entries I found entries I had wrote regarding my father passing away and times I had visited him in the hospital. The moment felt right to find these entries even though it became emotional. It was so emotional that I had to leave the room before my mother could see the tears falling from my eyes.

The entries had discussed my times visiting my dad just before he passed away, and it also discussed the moment I told my father I was expecting my son. See, for a majority of my pregnancy I didn’t tell my father I was pregnant. I didn’t tell him for a few reasons. One, because I was at a pinnacle moment of my life – I was his first child to attend University and I knew it meant a whole lot to him. Second, when I found out I was pregnant I asked my father “Daddy I have a friend who is pregnant and she is still studying…what do you think she should do?”
His reply “Well she’s stupid!” Yeah I had a bunch of blank stares too. Therefore I decided to withhold telling my father I was expecting.

Continue reading “A moment with my Father”